"Bob" is concerned primarily with you and your mind.  As "Bob" put it so wisely, "you would pay to know what you really think!"  And this is true indeed.

But the Church of the Subgenius cares about you.  They aren't just there to throw some philosophy at you and then wander off and let you deal with it.  They are there to help you at every phase of your journey.  So not only will they help you discover what you really think, but they will go even further and help you with the difficult process of thinking it.  Because let's face it, you're busy, you don't have time to think for yourself.  This is what is known as 'Mind Control (tm)', or the Odditing Process.

A truly accomplished Subgenius Master might go months at a time without a single rational thought crossing his/her mind.  "Bob" cares about you.  "Bob" will do the thinking for you, thus freeing you to pursue the really important things in life, such as sending in that next donation to the Church.

A clean mind is a happy mind, and a washed mind is a clean mind!  Believe me, cleanliness is indeed next to Bobliness.

The Subgenius science of Mind Control (tm) is a highly advanced science based on tantric meditation techniques developed over thousands of years in the misty reaches of the Himalayas by accomplished and wise Secret Masters who devoted their lives to penetrating the secrets of the human mind, for all you know.  But now this sizzling-hot technology is available to you, for free, thanks to the miracle of the Internet.

Simply open the applet and gaze at the pipe of "Bob".  The recommended regimen for a beginner is eight hours a day for the first few months, after which you may feel ready to advance to serious practice.  At least a minute or two at a time is good just to get the hang of it.

Now look away.  Do you see the rippling?  This is the distortion of the Luck Plane, the invisible force field which surrounds us and controls our fortunes.  Already, after a few short minutes, the Luck Plane is being visibly distorted for you!  You are now well on your way to the pure influx of Good Fortune which only "Bob" can bring.

This is only the beginning!  Much more awaits you!  Send your $30 today!